A wise man once told me… ‘Deborah you don’t go out into the world and find yourself, you need to create yourself!’ So as it is a new year and time to set new goals or basically just enforce some personal discipline to end bad behaviours, it also seems to be a good time to clean up not only your soul mate searching tactics, but to end the fruitless search out in the wilds of the world, where supposedly a better version of you exists.
Why do we automatically assume that the more we go out, the more bars, dates, events and parties we attend, the more we increase our chances of meeting Mr. Right? Judging by the outcome of most of the singles I know, it seems that not only are they still single, they only seemed (in a few rare cases) to find Mr. Right Now and we all know how long that is likely to last; about as long as…well, I’m already distracted. So if going out to multiple engagements, night after night isn’t the answer, then how do we ever get the exposure to enough people to have the luxury of quantity, with the necessity of quality, while remaining both optimistic and motivated? First what appeals to me when thinking along these lines, is the ability to save a whole lot of money, stop the stress over what to wear, and to be able to make up for lost time with my books, bathtub and pillow, not to mention finally making time for yoga and singing lessons. To make it more palatable to the chronic social butterflies who can’t say ‘no’ to anything, it can be approached as a luxurious ‘stay-cation’ at home or a sabbatical, while still keeping a small window of opportunity open to feel the breeze of the singles world out there.
Now let me be very clear here, I am not suggesting we all become hermits and lock ourselves in our homes, never to be seen again until summer comes or we finally become so broken and bored we double book our refreshed dance cards. I am merely suggesting taking a step back and giving yourself the much deserved time to reflect, dream and create. By creating your dreams, goals and plans, we are so much more aligned and vibrant. By having a week mostly filled with the basic structure of home cooked meals, quiet time and sleep, we approach our busy lives from a place of such contentment and peace. It’s amazing what a little R&R can do for the soul and the head space that otherwise becomes so overwhelmed and dizzied by the influences and pressures of living up to the title of ‘Single’. Why does this have to mean always being in the ‘scene’ or at the latest bar, wasting energy and precious time, when you can be filling up your personal gas tank and dreaming up a path and place for you and your desires? If you don’t know what you want, how can you find it? If you don’t know what matters to you and really makes you tick, how can you enjoy it? Yes some of us do get lucky and can find a great deal of enjoyment in the present moment that others have created, but I truly believe my wise man was onto something by giving me a little nudge, to help me cool my jets and take a more calm, planned and personal approach to living.
Think about your approach to living your life. Do the things you want to do first, be in the situations that add value to your life and make you happy, make you whole and make you feel complete. Create your perfect self and practice every chance you get. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others. If the law of attraction works the way it does, we attract what we are, so doesn’t it only make sense to create ourselves first and the rest will follow.