I have a problem, I don’t so much see it as a big deal, but it seems that basically all women I meet and a decent amount of guys seem to think it is. My problem is, I am 5’ tall in shoes, maybe even an inch shorter in my bare feet. It seems like not only do people not take me serious because of my height, but guys are really disrespectful to me because I am short, and women, well that is the one that really hurts. They look at me like I am a little kid, and they pretty much treat me that way, I am always hearing from women how they could never date someone shorter than them, and how they want a man they feel can protect them. I don’t feel like any less of a man just because of my height and I exert confidence not a cockiness or asshole way about myself, but it doesn’t seem to matter. What would your advice be for me?
Thank You in advance for taking the time to read my letter.
My feeling from reading your words is that you are lying to yourself about this issue.
You write, “I don’t see it as a big deal,” and “I don’t feel like any less of a man,” and yet you also took time out to write to me and ask my advice.
So, first step, in my opinion, is to get clear on this with your self first. As a man, you need to face up to what is true and real for you.
This does matter very deeply for you. Get it out and despair and mourn for it, if you never have. But don’t dwell on it.
Look brother, it’s no different from death. It’s a fucking unfair game. I don’t want to die, but die I must. And I don’t pretend it’s no big deal. I square myself with it as a man, rather than deny it.
You may think I’m being harsh, or that I’m full of shit and that you really, truly aren’t so bothered by it, but I trust my own perspective on this for other reasons too… like women treating you like a child “because of your height.”
I promise you my friend, if women treat you like a child, it’s time for you to step out from behind your favorite excuse and figure out the truth of why that is, because it is not your height. No chance. I know too many short guys who command respect, attention, and attraction from women.
Is it a challenge? Will there be some women who just exclude you?
Yes and yes. Let’s not pretend otherwise. There are women who will not date a short guy.
There are women who are excluded by men for their height too (or their boob size, their weight, etc.).
Life ain’t fair.
Here’s my advice my friend:
1) Own what is true. You don’t like being short. It makes you feel like less of a man.
2) Own that it’s YOUR issue, and nobody else’s. Seriously. Nobody else gives a fuck. They are far too busy dealing with their own insecurities (which are in topics that don’t even hit your radar in all likelihood, because they are not yours).
3) Recognize how amazing and courageous you are for writing to me, and for all the other things you must be doing right now in your life to face this and beat it.
Recognize that the entire human venture is about overcoming whatever it is that we, personally, have to overcome. For some it’s a big nose, for some a small brain, and for some crippling poverty… but everyone’s got something. Meditate on this until you can feel the rightness in it, until you can bless your height for what it is:
The fire that will forge the steel of your manhood.
You are standing before that fire right now with the hammer in your hand. This is what you are up to in writing to me.
4) Once you get right with this, once you forgive yourself for making it into an excuse and realize that it’s just you, your life, one time only, in this body, and that is that…
Once you get that the women treated you like a child because you of the way you act around them, and not because of your height… once you genuinely find peace and self-acceptance… you’ll discover that, no, you can’t get every woman on Earth.
But that you CAN get as many (beautiful and desirable) women as you can possibly handle.
Steps 1 through 4 will probably occupy you for the rest of your life. You will never “get it right”. It’s not a destination, it’s a journey.
But the good news is that it’s YOUR journey, and you will love every glorious, suffering, and pleasurable moment of it once you actually start down the path.
For better or for worse, there is no other path for a man to forge himself but through the fire of whatever challenges we are born into.
With a hug, brother,
(And for my other brothers reading this…)
Alex Allman is the author of the best selling REVOLUTIONARY SEX programs for enhancing sexual pleasure, creating deeper intimacy and communication, and deepening sexual confidence.Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships.Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love.