This morning I had a session with a great client of mine. He has let go of a relationship that had lasted 6 years that had not been satisfying. He was upset with himself because he felt he had made some big mistakes in the relationship and he was not where he had imagined he ‘should be’. He did not feel proud of himself.
When we did our coaching session he realized that the reason he was in this predicament was because he had settled when he had gotten together with his girlfriend. He had not believed in himself enough to wait for the right woman, he was also too shy and embarrassed to ask the woman he really wanted to be with because of fear of rejection, of being laughed at.
When I asked him what he would tell himself if he could go back in time, he said that he would tell himself to wait, that settling for what was easy will just create different types of problems: He would tell himself that even though it feels easy right now to take whoever is there at the moment, that in the long run it would be a lot harder than waiting for the right person, someone he was inspired to be with.
Why is it that we settle? Because of fear: the fear of not being worthy of having the person our hearts desire, because we are afraid of being alone, and the immature fears we have of being ridiculed or rejected if we show interest in someone we really would love to be with.
Take a moment to look back at your life right now, what are you most proud of? I am willing to bet that you will see that what you are most proud of comes from having taken chances, from having been scared but believing in yourself and doing it anyway. Each time we practice listening to what our heart wants for us and follow through we experience greater self esteem, more joy and more power over fear.
We realize that it is ok to feel fear and to do it anyway. Next time you feel afraid ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I do this?” and if you can live with the worst thing that can happen, jump into it. At the very least you will gain a lot of life experiences that will serve you and at the very best you will get what you were aiming for.