I’m going to share a powerful tip for anyone that wants to have a loving, committed relationship, or who wants to make the relationship they’re in way more fun, easy, supportive and passionate.
It’s a really good one.
But I’m going to start with something interesting that you ought to know about serious relationships.
Should YOU get into (or stay in) a relationship?
This morning the New York Times reported (again) that people who are married are happier than people who aren’t.
But that’s not news. We’ve been hearing about studies like that for years. The question that was raised in this study was this:
Are married people (or people in long-term committed relationships) happier… OR is it just that happier people are more likely to get married?
In the study reported on by the Times today, the researchers from the National Bureau of Economic Research created a study that controlled for pre-marital happiness, and their conclusion is, regardless of how happy or unhappy people are before marriage, they are happier after marriage.
So with my apologies to every comedian who ever lived… relationships actually do make people happy.
Now obviously what’s true for “most people” may not be true for you.
I understand that some people truly are happier on their own, and particularly at certain stages of their lives. And, of course, an unhappy, frustrating relationship with someone who makes you miserable every day is not something worth saving– there are indeed plenty of marriages that make people less happy!
But the clarity of this study is that it’s not just those few magical relationships that make people happier… it’s MOST marriages.
One of my highest goals and greatest pleasures in life is simply to give my readers more happiness in their lives. I have always believed that improving their relationships is the “easy button” for achieving that goal.
So here is a simple tip that works like crazy to create a happy relationship with the person you are with. This tip is a powerful force in making either a man or a woman fall more deeply in love with you. It supplies a powerful motivation to make them want to commit to you. And if you are in a committed relationship, it makes that relationship stronger, more fun, more nurturing, and more passionate.
So what is this super-magic bullet of love?
Let your partner make you happy.
Be charmed by their charm, seduced by their seduction, smile at their kindness, laugh with their silliness, be willing to play when they are playful. Allow yourself to be pleased when they are trying to please you.
Don’t make this part of the relationship hard for him/her.
It sounds stupid (because it IS stupid) that we would ever make it hard for someone to make us happy, but we do.
- We stubbornly resist allowing our partner to make us happy because:
- It feels vulnerable
- We want them to work harder to PROVE themselves
- We don’t deserve to “just be happy” without a better reason
- We don’t deserve to be happy because the world is hard place
- We fear being disappointed
- We don’t want to be happy right now because I’m in a bad mood so bugger off
- We won’t let them make us make us happy because you’re going to have to do a lot better than THAT to make me happy after all of that other shit you did that pissed me off that I’m not about to forget about!
- And probably a million other reasons that you and your therapist can go to work on…
But the bottom line is, people who are good at receiving happiness and appreciating the smallest of sweet gestures from their partner are very, very easy to love. It’s FUN to be nice to people who send back enthusiastic, unguarded, and innocent gratitude and happiness.
Don’t over-think this. It’s grade-school simple:
I do something nice for my wife, she smiles and giggles, I feel great and want to do it again.
That’s it. All day long, and every single day.
We are too guarded by far in relationships.
Listen: Guarding against disease by vaccinating, washing hands, minding food safety, and getting enough sleep actually CAN reduce our chances of getting disease.
But guarding against heart-break actually INCREASES our odds of being left broken-hearted.
Living with an open heart is scary. It feels unsafe. But it’s actually safer, it feels better, and contrary to popular belief, it does not make broken hearts hurt more or feel more humiliating.
In fact, it’s the only game in town worth playing. Living with an open heart is the big-leagues of having a satisfying life, but that’s for another blog post.
Today, just try this. It’s so easy to do and yields such enormous results:
Allow your lover to make you happy.
Want to read more about improving your relationship? Click here
By Alex Allman
Alex Allman is the author of the best selling REVOLUTIONARY SEX programs for enhancing sexual pleasure, creating deeper intimacy and communication, and deepening sexual confidence.Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships.Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love.