By Kelly Green
Carrie Bradshaw brought talk of the female orgasm to the world. And now I’m bringing it to you.
Today’s women are empowered to demand pleasure. We understand that this can create some pressure. The men of 2016 are left to decipher how to navigate such demands.
Here’s some real-world tips on how to make it work for everyone.
1) Do not declare you will give me an orgasm
Declaring that you will give me an orgasm is like playing pool and calling the pocket-ball for your shot. If you miss, your bluff is called and both players leave the game disappointed. I appreciate a goal-oriented male, but in this case, demonstrating is better than declaring. Just enjoy the game; if a shot is missed then communication stays open and we both look forward to game two. Practice makes perfect.
2) My orgasm is not a prize for you
A true gentleman always wants to please a woman. But somewhere along the way, the female orgasm has become a trophy for your ego. Your desire isn’t to please me—it’s to add my orgasm to your mantle. This encourages women to fake orgasms. Let’s agree that my orgasm is for me, not for you. Take the pressure off yourself to perform and we will both relax and enjoy the journey.
3) Take your time and learn my body
Not all women are built the same and not all women enjoy the same things. I’m sure you have some amazing tricks up your sleeve, but take your time and learn my body first. A gentle check-in every now and then will go a long way to understanding and mastering my body.
4) Give me space and permission to ask for what I want
Many women are pros at stating what they want in bed. However, in new relationships a woman may fear being judged if she asks for what she wants. Don’t mistake this reservation for lack of desire. I can assure you my thoughts are naughtier than yours. Help create an environment that is rewarding for me to speak up by sharing your own fantasies and creating our own together.
5) Be a man and guide the adventure
I admit that at times I like to explore my freedom and dominate the bedroom. However, sometimes I like to be reminded that I am with a man. This can mean different things in different situations: A light spank on my ass or slight tugging of the hair. You’ll know what is right for the situation. Just remember I expect you to be the man I know you are.
Kelly Green is author of the forthcoming memoir “Back in the Game: My Year of Dating Dangerously”. She lives in Austin, Texas.