You have often heard that it takes two people to make a relationship work and it takes two to break it. Yet every so often, the initial fissures arise from one person. It may begin slowly, actions you view as insignificant, but with time and repetition, you are on track to hurt or destroy your relationship. While there are numerous ways to go down this path, we will focus on three steps.
- The Secret Keeper
In the beginning, you and your partner shared everything. You loved to go into detail on your deepest hopes and fears. Your partner was your safe zone. You felt safe to discuss how you felt when annoyed or angry by some of your partner’s actions. You kept a balance between sharing your feelings with your lover and your friends. Slowly over time, that scale becomes unbalanced. What began as meaningless drivel, evolves into an invitation into how you truly feel about life, politics, religion, and your partner. Usually this takes shape with one friend, who may be of the same sex as your partner. Other times your new secret keeper is the same sex as you. The more you trust and divulge to this person, the less you share with your mate. In fact, what you begin to share with your partner becomes altered to the point that only one person truly knows who you are and what you are feeling. Sadly, that person is not your significant other.
- Looking Good
Do you remember your first date? The desire you felt to make sure you looked your best. At that moment, you wanted to impress your date and feel good about your appearance. You met, you hit it off, and your new life with your partner began. You felt great around them and wanted to show that in many ways, including your appearance. Time is an interesting companion. The longer you are in your relationship, the more comfortable you become. With that comfort your sense of security with your partner grows. That pressure you used to put on yourself to look good when being around your soul-mate, weans. You love them, and they love you, just as you are, so why would you have to always look good just for them? Here is the interesting part, when your friends call and want you to go out, suddenly your appearance is important. Your clothes are clean, pressed and on point. You take time to shave, or put on make up, you ensure that you go the extra mile to look fantastic for a night out. A night out that has nothing to do with your partner. In fact, when you and your partner do go out for dinner, or to the movies, you see it as a normal event. There is no reason to go above board. If spending the time on your appearance for boys’ night out or a girls’ night out happens once in awhile, then no problem. If you find that you care more about looking good for anyone but your mate, then you have an issue.
- Not Tonight Dear
While sex should be the most natural act in the world, it has become an area that people feel uncomfortable discussing. Whether you and your lover had copious amounts of lovemaking in the beginning or mitigated your sexual prowess to balance with your schedule, something has changed. While you fully admit to loving your partner, and wanting to stay with them, you find reasons as to why you do not want to be with them intimately. You are tired. You are over -worked. You are under-paid. Your partner does not help with the chores. Your partner is too helpful with the chores. You can not find the time. You pull away blocking all advances set by your partner. Yet, your lover continues to desire you and want to be with you. At times, it feels as if you are at an impasse. But what needs be considered is this, the longer you forgo intimacy or communication on the avoidance of intimacy, the outcome of your relationship will be sabotaged.