Recently a male client of mine mentioned that a trait of women that drives him crazy is that “they don’t ask for what they want, they just hint!!”. I could tell this was a huge frustration for him and quite honestly the biggest thing that was holding him back. He would go out on dates and half the time not know if he should be decoding everything. He always felt like he was disappointing women because he wasn’t picking up on subtleties and he’d either hear about their frustration with him or he’d just never hear from them again.
At the same rate, women come to me and say things like “I’ve hinted at wanting to go to that travel destination/shop/restaurant and he’s never taken me there”. Or, “I’ve hinted about that shop I love to go to and he didn’t go there for my birthday present. What gives?”
The problem lies in the fact that when women interact with other women we spend a lot of our time both speaking in hints and picking up on hints. We have mastered the art of subtlety and will be the first to notice what a friend or even a stranger needs. A friend could say they love lavender earl grey tea and you can bet that’s what we’ll put under the tree for them a year from now.
There’s actually a scientific reason behind all of this. There is a part of the female brain that is actually wired to pick up on hints. This does not exist to the same level in male brains. It’s certainly not to say it doesn’t exist, but not to the same level as it does in female brains. Perhaps it traces back to our cave-woman days where we needed to be super aware of the emotional and physical needs of our community when the men were out hunting mammoths to ensure we stayed fed. A good book to read more on these intricacies is, The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD.
So what do I advise you to do? Develop a little compassion based on a greater knowledge of each other’s brains. Sure it can be frustrating but don’t you think you will get further with the opposite sex if you take more time to understand them? It’s why a lot of what I teach gives both men and women an opportunity to understand each other, celebrate and even share a laugh at the differences.
Contact me today for your free 20 minute date coaching session. I look forward to hearing from you. firstname.lastname@example.org