Many of the couples that I counsel find that initiating sex can be a challenge in their long-term relationships. Some complain that their partners never take the initiative and others say that they do not know how to instigate sexual activity. Generally, both partners should play a role in initiating sex as an indication of their interest in and attraction to their other half.
Initiating sex does not mean that you need to be in control of the whole experience, but simply that you show an active interest in getting it on. Here are a few ideas for women who have sex with men to get you started:
- Kiss! This may sound simple, but some sweet French kissing or nibbling on his ear is a simple way to promote intimacy, stimulate his sensitive spot and set the mood.
- Rest your head on your partner’ stomach and breathe deeply in synch. Ask him to play with your hair while you blow gently on his genital area and rub his inner thighs. Gently brush up against his pubic mound and penile shaft with the backs of your hand or wrists and look for visual reactions in his penis (which may stir or become erect) and his scrotum, which may pull up as he becomes relaxed and aroused.
- Offer to give your partner a back rub and slowly work your way down the back to his butt, thighs, calves and ankles. As you massage him, allow your breasts or other soft spots to gently drape against his skin.
- Set the stage: light candles, turn on some music and come out of the shower dressed in something sexy. If you do not have lingerie, a pair of heels and nothing else works well.
- Ask for it! Tell him that you are aching to be touched and want him to take care of your every need.
- Tell your partner about a sexy dream you had that left you thinking warm and sexy thoughts all day long. Try to incorporate him into the dream/story you tell.
- Give him orders. Tell him exactly what to do to get you going.
- Order an adult movie or read an erotic story together.
- Sext him or call him during the day to let him know you are thinking about him and looking forward to touching, kissing, snuggling and more.
- Pull out the toys, lube, feathers, massage oil and any other props you might use to spice up your sex session.