Let’s face it, our bodies don’t always cooperate with us. For men whose erections disappear at an inopportune time the stress and discomfort can be overwhelming but, it doesn’t have to be.
Every man is going to have to deal with losing an erection at some point in his life and if you’re the partner on the other end, you can rest assured that it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your body, your touch or your technique that is keeping him from getting it up. It could be a physiological issue (e.g. high blood pressure, circulation problems, nerve damage or certain medications), but if it happens only once-in-a-while, it may simply be attributable to a bit of anxiety, stress or pressure.
So let him know that it’s no big deal. Don’t overdo it, but do tell him that it’s okay and that it’s perfectly normal. Because it really is! And then kindly demand (is that possible?) that he continue to focus on your pleasure. Yup. It’s not all over because Sargeant Stand-Up decided to take a leave of absence. (I hope it goes without saying that you may not want to use that line verbatim — he will be in NO mood for humour at this point.) In all seriousness, don’t shut down the sex play altogether. Show him how to push your buttons with his hands, lips and tongue and show lots of appreciation. As you become aroused, he may even regain his confidence and get hard again while along for the ride.
And if he doesn’t get another erection while getting you off? That’s okay. You got yours! Kidding again — sort of. But seriously — don’t let an erection become the goal. Pressure is most often antithetical to pleasure.
You might want to offer some reassurance that you’ve dealt with the same issue yourself. Well — not exactly the same, but you’ve likely had trouble getting wet even when you’ve been totally in the mood and aroused. So share your thoughts and be sensitive to the fact that this is likely a very delicate issue.
You may want to casually comment on how satisfied you are (you don’t have to lie, but do highlight his strengths), as his confidence won’t exactly be peaking at this point in time and some subtle ego-stroking may be just what he needs.
Whatever you do, be clear that you’re not angry or frustrated and don’t joke around about the issue — some topics are just off limits. It’s probably not a good time to ask “What’s wrong?” or “Did I do something?” because the last thing he’ll want to do is explain himself to you. And while communication is a core component of great sex, he may not want to talk about his erectile difficulties in the bedroom in the heat of the moment, so do your best to look for his cues and respect his wishes.
Bear in mind that men are sensitive creatures too. They’re not untamed stallions and aren’t always ready to go at a moment’s notice. Really! Just as women’s moods, stress levels, diet, overall health and energy levels impact their sexual response, men are also impacted by a complex interplay of influences. Of course I don’t claim to speak for all men, because each one is unique, so if you have a different perspective or experience, please feel free to share.