Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who is afraid to truly love you? The short answer is…Yes!
The person who is so loving, so kind and wonderful – who tells you that they love you and showers you with adoration, can have you genuinely convinced that they are capable of a long term relationship. You are now persuaded that it’s safe to love and to open your heart. Just when it seems that “happily ever after” is on the horizon; they change drastically and start killing the dream.
Have you have ever been pursued and wooed one moment and left wondering what happened the next? Or do you have a pattern of running scared? If so, this series of articles will provide the valuable insight you need to begin to recognize, understand and overcome these destructive relationship patterns and find the love you want.
The Subconscious “Love Barometer”
Some people are subconsciously programmed with a “love barometer”. They have a threshold for receiving love because they can’t trust love. They are comfortable dishing it out, but once they have won your heart, their fear of trusting love and being vulnerable is triggered and they begin protecting themselves. The thought of receiving true love and getting hurt is overwhelming. Their pursuit turns to panic and anxiety. They start craving space and then create distance by acting out of character.
Why have you attracted such a mate? It’s not your fault. But, this may reveal a subconscious “part” of you that also believes that love is: not safe, not possible or equals hurt. You attract a person who is looking for your somewhat guarded nature because you seem safe to pursue, and to you, their extraordinary efforts are just what you need to believe in love again. Then comes the climax! You open the floodgates and they start to drown.
If you have been rudely dismissed from a whirlwind romance and left in a state of confusion, it’s important that you realize you have chosen a partner who doesn’t trust love. The fear and anxiety they are feeling is not your fault. The runner feels this way because of their wounded outlook on love.
Let’s face it; we are not in Kansas anymore. Gone are the days where you would marry the first person you fell in love with. Most people feel that it’s healthy to have had several relationships on the road to marriage. Unfortunately, this leaves many broken hearts, with scars that don’t completely heal – and thicker calluses to protect them.
4 Stages of the Classic Commitment-Phobic Relationship
With the helpful insights from authors Steven Carter and Julia Sokol, this 4 part series will explain step-by-step, how a warm heart turns into a cold shoulder.
The four stages in this relationship pattern will be described in the upcoming articles as follows:
Part 1 – The Beginning: They must have you.
Part 2 – The Middle: Now that they have you – they feel scared.
Part 3 – The End: You want them and they are looking for a way out.
Part 4 – The Bitter End: They are gone and you are confused, devastated and hurt.
This relationship pattern can take a few weeks or last for years. It can even happen after you get married.
To open this conversation and make it relevant to you, ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you see yourself in this relationship pattern?
2. If so, are you the one running scared?
3. How much do you really trust love or other people?
We look forward to a rich and stimulating exploration on a topic that affects so many people and their relationships.