Many people have been asking me lately, “so does online dating actually work?!”. Everyone is balancing all the ‘horror’ stories with the ‘success’ stories they hear and wondering which one to listen to. So after being in the Dating & Relationship industry for over 12 years, I’m going to share what I have come to know as fact:
Success with online dating all comes down to strategy.
Strategy includes, which site you choose, how you do your searches, how you communicate with potential matches, how quickly you move on and most importantly how little of it you really take personally. I was thinking that the easiest way to explain the difference between people who successfully find matches online and those who have a terrible experience is to create a few archetypes – one is successful at online dating and one isn’t (no real names used, :))
She has written an okay profile but since she’s feeling pretty unsettled, she talks a lot about what she won’t stand for and what she doesn’t want. Most of her photos are party shots. She wants a serious relationship but in her profile she talks about just wanting to see what’s out there, maybe make some new friends. She is online almost everyday, sometimes for up to 1-2 hours. She chats with guys who instant message her hoping that they might be looking for something serious. Her inbox is super full, mainly with men she’s not interested in. She sends messages to guys she thinks are cute and then when they don’t write back she gets really down on herself and the whole online dating experience.
Her profile is really well written – it’s short, fun and inviting. She is online for 20 minutes a day maximum and when she misses a day, she goes online for 40 minutes. She is on two sites she has specifically chosen based on where she is at in life and what she is looking for. Her pictures are great – they show a few different looks and she’s smiling in all of them. She never responds to instant messaging and when she sees someone she is attracted to, she sends a very short note expressing interest or a ‘wink’. She only goes on a quick coffee date with guys she has spoken to by phone. She deletes men she is not interested in so she feels positive and clear every time she logs into her account. The time between creating a great profile and finding a great match is between 1-3 months.
So, are you a Janine or Stephanie? Or are you somewhere in between?
Many of my coaching clients have found love online. Feel free to contact me to help you with your online dating profile and strategy. I’ve also written an e-book called, “A Step-by-Step Guide to Online Dating”.