I recently read an interesting book by Dr. Patricia Allen called Getting To “I Do”. Allen provides an explanation for relationships failing, suggesting that men and women far too often choose partners with the ‘wrong’ type of energy. She explains that if you are looking for a successful partnership or marriage, you must first identify your energy as being either ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’. Once you are clear on your energy, she advises that you seek out a mate that complements yours. If you consider yourself a ‘feminine’ energy female, she explains the reasons why you would do well in a partnership with a ‘masculine’ energy male. And, if you are a ‘masculine’ energy female, she claims that you should pursue and date a ‘feminine’ energy male? Confused? Join the club! How in the world can there be just one type of energy in relationships? I know so many men and women who carry both ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ energies. But, wait a second – most of them are still single.
So, as I continued reading Allen’s Getting To “I Do” – Secrets to Doing Relationships Right, her theory started to make more sense. Could this be the reason why so many couples clash and find themselves in unhealthy, toxic relationships?
Let’s start with Allen’s definition of ‘masculine’ energy. Is she referring to bringing home the bacon and traditional male roles? Not at all. Her definition of ‘masculine’ energy characteristics includes: giving, generosity, protective, initiating, leading, active partner, who elicits surrender, receptivity, and bonding from his partner. A ‘masculine’ energy male knows what he wants, calls the shots, and will jump in front of any danger to protect his family. They like challenges – it’s all about the chase for them. Allen states that this type of man is compatible with a woman who enjoys receiving, is open about her feelings, and is comfortable following her man’s lead. A ‘feminine’ energy female never out-do’s what he does for her. She simply joyously receives and this is what he loves about her.
Allen asks masculine men at her seminars to recite this, “I promise to cherish the women, kids, and animals in my life, even when they are irrational, irritating, and totally illogical.” She explains to these men that the ‘feminine’ energy females they are attracted to need to have their feelings cherished. As much as these men need to feel respected, their lady needs to feel understood and special. ‘Feminine’ energy females wait to be chased, and do not ask for more love, time, affection, or sex from their man. These women openly talk about their pain and feelings with their ‘masculine’ energy male partners, knowing that he will nurture and cherish her feelings. Allen reiterates that these relationships can be very successful as opposed to both partners having the same energy qualities.
So what about ‘masculine’ energy females? What type of men should they date?
You guessed right! Allen explains that these women do best with ‘feminine’ energy males, who like to make love, build families, and play. ‘Masculine’ energy females enjoy making money, and having status. They seek out men who are supportive of their goals, their aspirations, and their career. They find balance in these men and enjoy the lightness that they often bring to the relationship. ‘Feminine’ energy males are comfortable with their partner being the primary breadwinner, and they respect her decisions about money, career, and direction. If their lady is out of town on business, or needs to move thousands of miles away for work, they will have no problem following. A ‘feminine’ energy male loves to make his woman smile and adds fun to their relationship. He is supportive of her talents and skills, and is available to his ‘masculine’ energy female physically, mentally, and emotionally.
This reminds me of a wedding that I attended last winter – the bride wrapped up her speech with “baby, thank you for always supporting me with my career, bringing fun into our relationship, and letting me manage our money.” They’ve put into practice Dr. Patricia Allen’s theory and are one of the happiest couples that I know.
If you would like to delve deeper into these concepts or identify your love energy, pick up her book and complete the quiz on page 64. Thank you for posting your comments below and remember, I didn’t come up with this theory, I’m just the messenger.