You may ask yourself ‘What is she talking about? The goal of a relationship is not to make us happy?!” But from experience in my life and the lives of my clients this awareness brings a whole lot of happiness. The goal of a relationship is really not about how making us happy, and I can add or sad: The goal of a relationship is to teach us how to love: our self and others.
This in a nutshell is the key secret to happiness in relationships.
As human beings we live our lives through three main modes: our mind, our emotions and our heart. We only experience “joy” or “happiness” when we are in our heart. We don’t feel happiness in our mind or in our emotions, we feel joy only when we are connected to our heart and the only way to experience the heart is through love, gratitude, inspiration and wisdom.
This is how we can experience more happiness or joy in our relationships. We don’t experience happiness when we look to someone on the outside to fill in the void we have on the inside. We feel happy in a relationship when we have learned how to love self and others. When we love, we feel content – happy – joyful.
Having worked with hundreds of couples in my coaching practice using mind/body techniques I have found that at the core of very common challenges reside patterns we all have: the most important one starts with our first intimate relationship, which is the one with our mother. She is in charge of taking care of us and to keep us happy at the cost of sacrificing her time and energy
for us. Subconsciously when we enter a romantic relationship or any other close relationship there is often a conditioned reflex that kicks in that makes us want this familiar feeling. When we are in an immature relationship, we subconsciously look for our mate to make us happy; we expect them to give up on who they are so they can satisfy our whims and desires. It is very
Challenges inevitably occur because both partners are expecting their mate to sacrifice themselves for their own sense of happiness. In coaching terms this is called an”‘unwinnable game”.
The following tips will help you be a better mate when in relationships:
1. Remember that it is a gift to have the opportunity to be in a relationship where you can learn how to love your self and others.
2. Be conscious that love is wanting the best for another being while respecting our needs
3. Love is made of support and challenge. If you only support your mate because you mistake it for love, you end up robbing your self and them of an opportunity to really love. And you weaken them. We support and challenge best our mate when we help them become more of who THEY want to be, not what we want them to be.
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