Let me give you a warning in advance about the material in this article: I am NOT responsible if your neighbors complain about the noise.
Most men love it when the woman they are with shows a lot of– let’s call it “vocal enthusiasm” in the bedroom. Often you’ll hear guys complaining about some woman they are dating that just lays there like she’s bored…
Let me let you in on a secret: Whenever I hear a guy say something like that, I can’t help but wonder–
Maybe that’s because she WAS bored?
With sexual trust a woman is most likely to scream in bed.
As men, we really, really like it when a woman totally loses control of herself from coming so hard, and she just screams her head off.
So logically, unless she’s faking it, that means that YOU’VE got to be good in bed first.
Now, if you are fairly experienced in the bedroom, you might be saying to yourself right now, “wait a minute, Alex, some girls are just shy– they don’t make a lot of noise no matter how hard they come.”
Yeah, I know the type– the girls that just breath harder and faster when they have an orgasm, but, for one reason or another, they don’t “let it out” and get their scream on.
Well, I make them scream– And you can too.
Here’s an important thing to understand, when a woman is not screaming, she is holding herself back.
And even though she may think she’s really getting off and that she doesn’t need to make noise to prove it… the truth is, because she is holding herself back, she is probably NOT experiencing orgasms that are anywhere near as powerful as she is capable of.
In fact, I’ve talked with women who THOUGHT that they were having orgasms, but really, they were just feeling a lot of sexual excitement, which felt really good, and so they figured, hmm… that must be what orgasms feel like.
It didn’t occur to them that maybe there was something else, something bigger, that they were not experiencing, until someone actually brought them over the edge and they realized, “Oh my God, so THAT’S what an orgasm feels like!”
And you might be interested to know that sometimes the very thing that got them over the edge and had them experience their first real orgasm was the act of screaming itself.
Let that one sink in for a moment.
It wasn’t the screaming that was DIRECTLY doing it. It was the act of letting themselves go enough… it was allowing themselves to relax and just let it out… it was the release of their
inhibitions to make noise…
And that simultaneously released their inhibitions to fully experience an orgasm unlike anything they had experienced before.
Having a screaming orgasm can be a self-perpetuating cycle for a woman. It’s a feedback loop.
Allowing themselves to make noise makes them come harder, sometimes even MUCH harder, which makes them scream more, which makes them come harder…
You get the idea.
Unfortunately, you can’t get this great result by just saying to a girl, “okay, I’d like you to scream now while we are having sex.”
In order to get her to let go– I mean REALLY let go and be completely un-selfconscious about it — you are going to have to get her comfortable enough to surrender over her body… to YOU.
And it is why sex is (or can be when it’s truly amazing) so incredibly intimate for women.
Most women can’t give this level of orgasmic experience to themselves. They can only achieve these heights with an expert lover– somebody who they can surrender control to.
Have you ever done something with a buddy that you would have been afraid to do alone?
Maybe you did something that you knew was dangerous– and if you were on your own, you wouldn’t have had the guts to go… (and if he was on his own, he wouldn’t have had the guts either)– but together, even though it was still every bit as dangerous, you had the confidence to do it because you knew your pal had your back.
It’s not a perfect example, but maybe it helps you understand why “Sexual Trust” is so important for a woman:
She can’t go to this place that “feels” dangerous to her all by herself. She needs you to take her by the hand and guide her.
This is probably the most important thing you’ll ever read about making love. And it may sound a bit vague or confusing when you first encounter the idea. But this bit of sexual mastery just happens to be more “art” than “science”.
If learning how to create Sexual Trust is a sticking point for you, the best way I know to truly “get it” is to go through the process of my Sexual Mastery Program so that you can listen to it explained out it in stages.
Sexual Trust, obviously, is the master key to the process, but let’s look at some super easy ways to make a woman more comfortable to get her scream on with you.
Start with MUSIC. It’s a simple tip, but a good one.
Playing music serves two very important roles in this situation–
The first is that if you play it reasonably loud, it gives her some “cover” for the noise that she is making. It’s a harder surrender to make noise in a silent room than a loud one. It lets her experiment with making more noise without the neighbors noticing.
The second reason is that music affects our emotions– and it especially affects women’s emotions. And it is through her emotions that she will eventually reach the point of trust and intimacy to release herself.
What music should you play?
This is important: Play the music that SHE wants to hear. What YOU think it sexy music is all well and good, but right now we are working on HER feelings, and the music that makes her feel a sense of sexual abandonment might really surprise you.
If she’s already doing some heavy breathing and making small noises, the next thing to do is… Give her something to say.
Try this: Tell her to say your name.
This isn’t for everyone and it’s not a 100% thing, but it can work very well, and be a nice connector at the same time.
The idea is to make her engage her vocal cords when she is at the height of her excitement or when she is actually having an orgasm.
Tell her to say your name, out loud, as she is coming, and she might very well involuntarily
SCREAM your name.
Part of the “secret sauce” here is that you are telling her what to do. You can do this sweetly, dominantly, teasingly… as long as it is firm and not tentative on your part. This allows her to feel a surrender of control as she is approaching orgasm.
Now there is another psychological/emotional reason for having her say your name, rather than shouting out, say, “Hallelujah!”
It is an intimacy builder. It is a nice, bonding thing for her to associate you and the sound of your name coming out of her own mouth, to her most profound pleasure.
So putting your name into her thoughts is nice. But in the end, if that’s weird for her, “YES!” or “MORE!” or “HARDER!” will do.
Okay, now we are going to move into some slightly more advanced territory.
One of the most powerful ways to get her to release her inner banshee is to completely eliminate any hint of your own sexual shyness or shame.
Look, it’s not your fault, and nobody is completely free of any insecurities, so this can be more difficult than it sounds.
Women have very strong intuition, and they sense when we are uncomfortable.
However, if you want her to be completely uninhibited in bed, it is asking an awful lot if you are coming to bed with a bunch of your own insecurities.
Anything you do that tips her off to the fact that you are not feeling 100% comfortable and in control of the situation is going to work against you.
What kinds of things will tip her off?
Nervous laughter, any kind of defensive or angry remarks towards her if anything goes differently than you expected, and any feelings of frustration are just a few…
But the bigger ones are any time you try to do something to make yourself look “cool” or create an effect. Anything that feels “fake” to her, or like you are “trying” for a reaction.
The most secure and powerful thing you can do in the bedroom is to be authentic.
And the other big one is to express passion yourself.
Very few men have the confidence it takes to show their true passion and really lose themselves
in the act of making love. Those that do win instant trust and passion in return.
You can fake it and get some results, but in the end, authenticity is king.
When she sees that you are coming to her with your guard down and all of your filters turned off,
her body will respond to you in ways that you can’t imagine.
If you want to really take a woman to the next level of sexual pleasure, have the courage to be vulnerable and authentic with your passion.
If you follow these simple steps, it should not take long before your previously shy woman is screaming her head off, waking up the neighbors, and begging you for more.
Quick warning– some women like to scream “please stop,” or “No, no, I can’t take any more,” and stuff of that nature.
This can actually work better than yelling out your name for many women, because, powerfully, it allows her to surrender permission to you…
BUT there’s a huge downside if you live in an apartment as it can easily result in overly concerned neighbors calling the police.
Trust me, this is bad. And you have been warned.
AND… If she really wants/needs to play in that space of screaming, “no!” then you will want to
make SURE that you have “safe word” that means “no for real”… and, of course, you need to be certain that she is 100% consensual in the entire process.
As I mentioned, getting a woman to open to the idea of making noise is a pretty good tip for giving a woman who has never experienced an orgasm, her very first one.
And that alone can be a beautifully bonding experience that leads to even deeper Sexual Trust, and even more powerful sexual adventures together.
Want to learn more about pleasing a woman in bed? Click here
By Alex Allman
Alex Allman is the author of the best selling REVOLUTIONARY SEX programs for enhancing sexual pleasure, creating deeper intimacy and communication, and deepening sexual confidence.Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships.Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love..