Most people opt to study sexual techniques that can be mastered in a matter of minutes rather than sift through the theories that underpin sexual satisfaction. However, as fun as blow job and fingering tips may be, they only offer one dimension of the many components that can lead to hotter sex. Satisfying sex involves a multitude of components of which technique comprises only a very small piece. Presence, communication and connection are of paramount importance and sexually successful couples attest to the fact that what happens outside of the bedroom sets the scene for everything that happens inside the bedroom.
Christie and Ralph have been married for 26 years and they say the sex is still sizzling hot. Their tip for sustained sexual satisfaction involves “courting one another” outside of the bedroom.
“I’m not a romantic — not even a little bit,” explains Rick, “but I know that Christie likes to be wooed. I used to put rose petals on the bed or light a few candles once in a while, but after two and half decades, those gestures become a bit predictable.”
“I like flowers and candlelight,” says Christie, “but I always felt like he only did those things because he wanted to get laid.”
“Satisfying sex involves a multitude of components”
Rick adds, “We’ve had a lot of heated discussions about this over the years and a few years ago, it finally clicked for me. She wants to know that I’m going out of my way for her for reasons other than sex. So now I do the little romantic gestures like fixing her a martini or filling the fridge with chocolate almond milk (her favourite) on a regular basis. I obviously don’t do this stuff every day, but they’ve become a part of my regular routine. And she does a lot of little things for me too.”
People ask what our secret is and the only way I can explain it is to emphasize that we’re nice to each other. We don’t just act romantic or affectionate when we’re in the mood for sex — we also try to act that way in our day-to-day interactions. Don’t get me wrong, we have our bad days too, but as soon as we reached the understanding that you can’t just turn on the romance once you hit the bedroom, our whole relationship changed.”
“I have friends who are married and they haven’t had sex in years,” says Christie. “Quite frankly, I wouldn’t put up with that. Sex takes work both in and out of the bedroom.”