By: Dr. Trina Read
“Sex appeal is 50 percent what you’ve got and 50 percent what think you’ve got.” – Sophia Loren
I bet you believe a dreadful myth that has been circulating for far too many years: people are born sexy. Think about it. We want to believe that Tom Cruise burst out of the womb with his overwhelming charisma. Or the sexy siren Victoria Secret models never lower themselves to do ordinary mortal things like shaving their daddy-long-leg legs.
What we don’t want to believe is our uber-sexy idols are regular people that made a decision—granted, it was most likely an unconscious decision—that they wanted to stand out in the crowd.
Sexy is as sexy does. You have it within you to be “that sexy person” who can walk into any room and stop everyone in their tracks. You are that person who unabashedly oozes sexuality. Are you rolling your eyes?
You see, being sexy is easy. It’s the getting over yourself that’s the hard part. The more comfortable you feel in your own skin, the more you cannot help reek of sexy.
Unfortunately for many women, spending time “selfishly” on self is a four-letter word. Or what if you have taken your sexy and put it on a dark dusty shelf in the back of your clothes closet?
Luckily, I happen to have a list of ten easy-to-implement sexy traits. Instead of perusing the list and quickly dismissing it, take a good hard look in the mirror. What else can you add into your life that would take your sexy up a notch?
(1) Sexy people are fun to be around.
They laugh a lot and have tons of positive energy.
(2) Sexy is your attitude, independence and confidence. Sexy is completely accepting yourself, warts and all.
Confidence is derived from being fully self-expressed and not worrying about society’s narrow definition of what is acceptable behaviour.
(3) Sexy is taking ten minutes every single day to “fuss” over you.
How much a woman consciously invests daily in herself shows how much she values herself.
(4) Sexy is (believe it or not) good posture.
Even if you don’t feel confident, fake it ‘til you make it. Shoulders back, and walk with a bit of a strut.
(5) Sexy is not necessarily having the perfect body. It is being comfortable with what you’ve been given and putting it out there for everyone to see.
Yet over 80% of women have issues with their body. Women tend to stand in front of the mirror and zoom in on all their wobbly bits—that is, if they even have the energy to look at their “deformed body”. Guess what? Reminding yourself a minimum 365 times a year that your body is ugly isn’t going to help you feel good about yourself.
Instead, look at yourself through another’s eyes? Your partner probably thinks you are gorgeous—why can’t you?
More to the point, if you could take an eraser and rub out what you do not like on your body and that area of your body became perfect, would you feel more sexy? Probably not. It’s really not a body issue, rather a self-esteem issue.
(6) Sexy is the environment you create for you and your partner.
It is bringing out your five senses: touch, taste, smell, hearing, seeing. Think back to a first date when you spent an immense amount of time preparing your environment—candles, clean sheets and soft music. Now think about six months
to a year later—why did you stop creating a special sexy space?
(7) Sexy is being body-aware.
Women are natural multi-taskers who tend to numb themselves from the neck down and live inside their heads. Make an effort to have daily five-second “being present” breaks. Start tasting the food you eat, being aware while in the shower, feeling the keyboard as you type.
(8) Sexy is being outrageous, being in the moment and letting loose.
What was the last completely outrageous thing you did? Can you remember how sexy you felt in that moment? Why not do it again?
(9) Sexy is not taking yourself so seriously.
Sexy is not trying too hard to impress. Super high-strung, wound-like-a-top people are not sexy because they spend the majority of their day being uptight.
(10) Sexy is being an outrageous flirt.
Flirting is simply the art of making the other person feel beautiful. When you help other people feel good about themselves, they are of course going to give that wonderful energy back to you. Flirting with your partner and others is a win/win proposition.
How did you do? Remember to take time out of your busy day to acknowledge, appreciate and love that sexy part of you. Forever be outrageous and allow your sexy to run free.
Relationship and sexual health expert, Dr. Trina Read, is the founder of sexual health resource www.VivaXO.com and www.TrinaRead.com/SensualTastes. She is host and producer www.EatDrinkLoveTV.com, Recipes for Love TV and a CBC radio relationship columnist.