Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be. It’s EASY to give any woman an orgasm.
There’s a lot more to being a great lover than just that, but the simple fact remains, most guys still struggle with giving women powerful orgasms, and many guys aren’t sure if their woman is even having orgasms.
When I was younger and single I was simply amazed by how many women I dated had never had an orgasm before me (the accepted number is 1 in 7). I was especially amazed because these women were sexually experienced (some had been married previously). And even more amazed because…
IT WAS SO EASY.
I’m not bragging here. I don’t have a huge cock, I didn’t bang them for hours like an olympic stallion, and I didn’t do some advanced tantric energy technique that I discovered in an ancient cave painting in India.
There are only 3 simple things that you need to know to give ANY woman an orgasm, and there is no reason that you can’t do all 3 very quickly and easily. I’ll explain all 3 of them.
First of all you are dating 1 of 3 types of women:
1) A “sexual bungee-jumper” who understands her own body and how to reach orgasm and can surrender to it any time, any where. All you have to do is show up. She knows how to shift her hips THERE, slow you down or speed you up a little like THAT, close her eyes and… BAM! Instant orgasm.
Women like this can curl one leg under their ass while sitting in a crowded room, rock back and forth a bit on their heel, and have a nice little orgasm in the middle of a lecture hall, movie theater, or restaurant.
She makes you feel like a CHAMPION because the sex is always so great, but also might make you a little insecure because you know that she’s going to be able to have great sex with plenty of other guys too.
2) A woman who struggles to orgasm who can climax with some men, but not with others, or who can climax with a vibrator, but not with a man, or who just takes a long time to warm up, and a long, long time to “get there”.
A woman like this can make you feel like a hero or a zero, because if you can’t do the trick, she’s likely to get very frustrated with you. If she’s not planning on seeing you again, she’s going to fake it for sure because talking to you about it, in her experience, is NOT going to help.
3) A woman who has never had an orgasm and is worried that maybe she just can’t.
A woman like this tends to blame herself. She feels broken and unworthy of your love, and she most often will fake it so that she doesn’t have to deal with the conversation.
Now, of course, it’s not like 3 switches on a machine, there is a ton of gray between each of these types and extremes of each.
Here’s a question from a reader who’s with the 3rd type >>>
Hi Alex. I love your news letters and all of your articles …oh and your book. The ways you have helped me to understand my self both authentically and deeply go beyond words. I cannot thank you enough Alex :-).
I’m in a relationship with a noticeably younger woman who was a virgin. I’d like some advice from you for her climaxing. At this point we have had sex about 25 – 30 times all of which she says she gets close but cannot quite go over the edge. Some things to note is that she is allergic to latex, a vibrator doesn’t seem to peek her interest(we tried one briefly), we have tried multiple positions and another thing is she comes from a family that puts a lot of shame on sexuality and she says she has never had an orgasm or tried for one through masturbation.
I personally think most of it is psychological. I told her we should get drunk and have sex one time to see how that goes since being intoxicated tends to remove a persons filter. I have not fully read your book but have gone over most of it. I feel like your book helps those who understand their sexuality or at least have a little bit of an idea. […] I guess for now I am looking for more general advice on virgins, anything you can do to help would be greatly appreciated.
I look forward to hearing from you Alex
Thanks for writing in my friend.
This has very little to do with the fact that your woman is a virgin and a lot more to do with the fact that you haven’t “fully read the book.”
*head smack* …WHY are you writing to me before you fully read the book?!
Giving your girl an orgasm is EASY.
It may take some practice, but so did driving when you first started, and you can do that while checking your email, listening to the radio, and talking to your friend in the other seat. In other words: Driving is easy, right?
(Quick note: If she is allergic to latex, go ahead and get some polyurethane condoms. Trojan and Avanti both make them, and I actually much prefer them for sensation.)
**IMPORTANT: The NUMBER ONE (#1, numero uno, the big secret) that you must get is that you two have to stop TRYING to give her an orgasm, and just focus on having prolonged, enjoyable, playful, hot, sweet, entirely pleasurable sex.
Forget the orgasm. Orgasm takes care of itself when you are taking care of having fun, having connection, and having pleasure.
Here’s the reason why:
Men can’t get an erection if they feel pressured. Women can’t have an orgasm if they feel pressured.
Put a gun to a man’s head and tell him he’s got 5 minutes to get hard or you’ll blow his brains out and you’ve got a dead man. It simply can’t be done.
You want her to come, she wants to come, she feels like she’s not quite enough until she comes, she feels like she’s always a little bit of a disappointment to you until she comes… in other words: There’s pressure on her to come.
Here’s another example: Have you ever gone out to an expensive nightclub, paid a big wad of cash to get in (maybe more than you were comfortable spending), and then the drinks inside are seriously breaking the bank, and you start feeling like you have to have a LOT of fun to make it worth the money you just paid, and you end up having a dull night because of the pressure you put on yourself to have fun?
I have. The best nights are the ones with no expectations, just easy enjoyment. Okay, I think you get the idea. You must change the FOCUS of your love making.
Now, with that out of the way, here are THE 3 ESSENTIALS TO GIVE ANY WOMAN AN ORGASM:
No turn on, no orgasm. You can rub your penis all day long, but if you’re not aroused and you’re just rubbing the limp thing, you are not going to come, right?
Arousal happens in the brain. You see a pretty girl, you think about sex, you smell a girl’s perfume… something triggers sexual THOUGHTS, and you get turned on. Same for her. If she’s not turned on, you’re wasting your time.
And here’s the thing, just because you strip off your clothing and start kissing her doesn’t mean you are turning her on (though that certainly might work!). You’ve got to take the time and effort to actually make sure you’ve got her turned on FIRST.
Now it’s time to apply some simple stimulation to an erogenous part of her body to increase her arousal and begin to trigger the neural networks that lead towards orgasm.
The clitoris is the easy button here, but a woman can orgasm from stimulation to her g-spot, her anterior fornix, her labia, her nipples, her neck, her toes, or just about any other part of her body, and in fact, you can even just stimulate her brain and give her an orgasm with just your words (ask any credible hypnotist).
Once she’s aroused and you are applying the right stimulation, she’s got to be willing to let go and release into it. This is a huge deal for most women (though about 15% of women are those “sexual bungee jumpers” and have zero issue with surrendering any time, any place).
Surrender requires that she feels safe and invited to let go, and that means trusting herself enough, trusting you enough, trusting the environment enough, or all three.
Now if you get good enough at creating the space and the erotic trust for a woman to surrender then you can give her “permission” to have an orgasm pretty much any place, any time, and with ease.
AND THAT’S IT.
There is no step 4. These the only things required to make any woman have an orgasm.
Now in the case of this email, you said that your girlfriend comes from an environment of sexual shame, and no doubt, that is creating some difficulty for her to surrender. She doesn’t yet trust herself to go to this place.
When you suggest alcohol, you are onto to the correct idea, but because YOU suggested it it has created more pressure (she knows she’s not completely pleasing you until she manages to have an orgasm), AND you are suggesting to her that it’s her fault, inside her head, and that she’s got to get to surrender herself (more pressure). And I’ll tell you, that’s not impossible. It might work, and some day she may ultimately have her first orgasm through her own journey into self trust (with or without alcohol).
But the EASY button here is to show her how by creating so much erotic trust in you that she can just surrender it all to you without needing to do all of that pesky self-work.
So look, this email is getting long, and I know that some guys just “get” this and can simply apply the 3 steps and go give women orgasms on command.
But I also know that MOST guys will have some serious questions or doubts about one of these steps, and I can already tell you that I’ll have a jammed in-box tomorrow morning with…
– How do get her “AROUSED”?
– What do I do to “STIMULATE” her?
– What are the steps to create “erotic trust” and get her to “SURRENDER” into orgasm? (For some men this might even be, “what the heck are you even talking about with this ‘surrender’ thing?”
I assure you, none of them are hard if you know what you’re doing.
By Alex Allman
Alex Allman is the author of the best selling REVOLUTIONARY SEX programs for enhancing sexual pleasure, creating deeper intimacy and communication, and deepening sexual confidence.Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships.Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love.