“Talk dirty to me”. For a lot of women these 4 words equate to an instant anxiety attack, and complete verbal paralysis, like a deer frozen in headlights. Although the idea of dirty talk probably ignites some form of spark, many women are uncomfortable with the idea of verbally sharing their desires, and/or exploring their sexuality.
Women for generations have been pulled in two directions. They are expected to meet the high standards of femininity and beauty, yet told in countless ways through the religion, education, literature and media that being sexual is wrong. We must exude maternal traits and sex appeal at the same time. We must know how to please our men, but without showing too much experience. We must be sexy, but not too sexy. We see women portrayed by the media as being shameful for being too sexual.
Over the years, women have learned to repress their desires, urges and fantasies. All of this societal confusion about sexuality is obviously going to carry over into our relationships. We’ve heard “a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets” but women are fearful of being labeled a “slut”.
“Talking dirty” doesn’t come easy to a lot of women because we are raised with the belief that sex is something to be ashamed of, and shouldn’t be pleasurable. Women haven’t been given the encouragement to speak openly about their desires, let alone their kinky fantasies.
The ultimate goal is to have a fun and fulfilling sex life for you and your partner. Dirty talk and play is one way to enhance your between the sheets action.
All it takes is a little encouragement, and insight into the female mind to get her to talk dirty.
Begin with gently opening up the conversation. Let her know that anything she says is ok. Create a safe place with zero judgement. Ensure her that you want to experience a mutually fulfilling sex life with her. I guarantee she has all sorts of fantasies locked away in her mind’s vault and she’s been hoping all along that you could just read her mind and meet those desires. Let her know that you love her, you are attracted to her and want to satisfy her. If she’s still hesitant, dig deeper.
Relationships are our greatest spiritual teachers. They will always bring up in us that which needs to be healed. It’s cliché, but you only grow when out of your comfort zone. Ask her, “What exactly freaks you out about talking dirty?” “Do you feel vulnerable?” “Do you feel out of character acting sexy?” “What can I do to make this feel more do-able?”
Really listen to what she says. Be understanding of her fears.
Many women simply don’t feel sexy. Retrain her brain! Compliment her often. Make her feel like a sexual goddess. Let her know how turned on you are by her. This will do wonders for her confidence and enable her to freely express herself sexually. Share how turned on you are by her openness. Women are natural pleasers. If she knows you are turned on, she will naturally let go of insecurities she may have.
Respect boundaries. Some women don’t care to swear. That’s ok. There are many ways for her to verbalize her fantasies. Keep in mind, what is a turn-on or someone can be a turn-off for someone else. Maintain respect for each others differences.
The act of talking about fantasies can be as rewarding for some as actually living them out. If your partner expressed she was turned on at the thought of a three-some, this doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to actually have a three-some. Allow her to feel free to sexually express herself without the obligation of carrying out the act.
Sexual confidence is magnetic. Be vocal yourself during sex and play. Let her know what you like, what you want to do to her and how great she makes you feel.
The more confident she feels in expressing herself, the more fulfillment for you both!!
Want more tips on heating up the bedroom? Click here