Usually guys complain about their partners’ lack of sexual response, initiative, rejection behavior and indifference in bed. While it is a fact that for most women getting aroused takes more work and time than for men, it is also true that in many cases women feel unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and neglected, thinking on sex as a terrible activity, constantly avoiding it by making any possible excuse.
Infinities of people are really tired of their partners’ indifference, lack of attention and consideration; therefore they become sexless couples, not because they don’t wish to have sex, but because making love is boring, poor, and frustrating for them, with no intimacy or passion at all.
You as a loving partner can certainly improve your love skills, especially during this wonderful love month. First of all and most important is to realize how your partner really feels about being with you. Be conscious of your partner’ attitude toward your erotic behavior, responsiveness, ways of making excuses, and so on.
Pay attention to what you say and what you do when you seek sex as well as what your partner does, so that you genuinely understand, get involved and show interest about his or her feelings and desires.
A very important and crucial skill for a lover to please and set a good path for sex is the ability to touch the partner’s body in a way to blow him or her up! I guarantee you that if your partner feels appreciated and wanted, they will want to be closer to you and even have sex, transforming indifference into passion.
It is critical to caress your partner’s body exactly the way she or he likes it; if you don’t know, ask! But do it accordingly to her or his verbal or non-verbal instructions. In this way, discover her or his hot spots by exploring the entire body. Here are some tips for you to touch your partner in a Valentine’s Day way!
1. Be aware of your partner’s desires (BE PRESENT!): Avoid cuddling in inappropriate or unwelcome ways without the genuine intention to please your partner. Doing so will not help you at all, but worsen your partner’s desire for sex. First and foremost, only focus your attention in the present moment and on their body, forget the past, the future, and your surroundings. Look into your partner’s eyes, concentrating on what you’re doing, feeling, hearing, and smelling, always respecting his or her limits. Let your partner know that they are very important to you. Give your full attention and thus prepare the way for an exquisite experience.
2. Go slowly: The slower you touch the faster, especially she, can be ready for sexual touching, which is essential for women. But do it in a pleasant, sexy, firm way avoiding distractions, boredom, sleepiness, or massages. It can be difficult the first time or if you’re impatient, inexperienced or tired, because slow touch requires concentration for good stimulation. Caress gently, almost without much movement, very slowly, breath, smell, touch, and whisper. Enjoy every single piece of your partner’s skin and ask for approval.
Make sure your hands are clean, you smell good, fresh breath and feel sexy.
3. Please, avoid direct genital touching: The vast majority of men any age go right after breasts and vulvas. DON’T! This is a huge mistake which alienates women, so that if you persist on reaching her genitals, probably she will push you away if she doesn’t feel ready. I’ve heard hundreds of women complaining about this particular men’s approach to be very unpleasant.
Start by touching her hand, face, hair, shoulders, feet, in a non-invasive way and let her guide you, I am sure that if she wants more, she will open up. Use your intuition to know if she is there with you, enjoying every minute.
4. Create a seductive environment: By creating a sexy, soft, relaxed environment you are setting “the table for a good meal”. Start by giving your partner the love, comfort and safety needed for lovemaking. Make yourself comfortable, not only with your way of dress but by being confident in what you’re doing, without nervousness or anxiety, these emotional states are your enemies. Very important, show him or her that you truly respect them and ONLY will act by contentment, that is, agreements between both of you, avoiding manipulating or any kind of abusive behavior. Make your partner feel loved not controlled.
5. Discover your partner’s erogenous zones: There are different types of erogenous zones, sensitive areas to sexual stimulation. They are divided into primary, secondary and tertiary. The primary zones are the areas where the genitals, breasts, and vulva/vagina, are located, which should be the last zone to approach. The secondary zones are very sensitive areas which produce a lot of sexual arousal, and the tertiary erogenous zones are the ones that are very distant to the genitals producing mild levels of sexual stimulation but can perfectly prepare your partner for more. Therefore, concentrate first on tertiary zones and last on primary. Every woman is different, her needs are different and her secondary and tertiary zones may be very different as well. So, you should do some research on her to find her particularities. Play, observe, and wonder. Do not think that you must know everything or that you do know everything… A good lover is one interested in learning about one anothers pleasures.
Treat your partner as a unique person, be honest and respectful. If you are focused on both sexual pleasure and connection, instead of intercourse and orgasm, I am sure both of you will have an exquisite time together, which in time will increase. Thus, through pleasurable touch, you may increase your sexual frequency in a subtle way. You can contact me for guidance, counseling or coaching sessions.
Happy Valentines and don’t forget to touch your partner!