Love. Probably one of the greatest feelings in the world…until it ends. There is no denying that breakups do in fact suck, especially if you were deeply in love with that special someone for a very long time. Of course, post-breakup calls for a healing process that varies for everyone. The myriad of emotions we feel after a breakup can be very overwhelming, tending to mess with our heads in common ways, but sometimes this can lead to making some horrible and irreversible post breakup mistakes.
1. Becoming cynical and negative about love.
It’s only natural for you to put your guard up after a breakup, especially if you didn’t see it coming. Most people lose faith in love and will put up a wall that shuts them off from the possibility of new relationships and new beginnings. But keep in mind that the people you put up a guard for are not your ex so don’t punish them for what your ex did! You simply fell in love with the wrong person, so just think how great it will be when you fall for the right one. Now knowing what a bad relationship was, you have the time and knowledge to look for a good one.
Get over your anger and hurt feelings and do not internalize them and hold negativity in. This will only cause you to see everything in a negative light and miss out on opportunities. If you continually are on the constant look-out for the next little thing to go completely wrong, you will drive yourself insane and become resentful and bitter towards everything. Remember that there is such a thing as true love and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Remember that love is a beautiful thing that does exist and can be wonderful.
2. Rebound sex with your ex
No matter how comfortable it may seem, rebounding to your ex is never the right choice. If your relationship ended, it ended for a reason and one night can never erase all the pain and wrongdoings. Although rebounding to your ex may provide you pleasure, remember that it is only short-term and that this choice is actually deterring you from the path of healing.
3. Sharing your relationship drama on social media.
There is absolutely no need for you to announce your breakup on any sort of social media platform. Not only is it annoying, but it just makes you look super pathetic and sad. The only people who need to know about the breakup should be your closest friends and family, and if they are truly your friends and care about it, they will already know so there is no need to post it. Your ex may post things that you may think is about you. It may or may not be, so don’t bother responding. Taking the high road always feels better and it avoids all the drama that would ensue one simple reply.
4. Stalking your ex on social media.
In this age of technology and social media right at our fingertips, it can be super tempting to check up on your ex via Facebook. But seeing what they are up to during this fragile state can be like pouring salt in a fresh wound. If you want to be happy and move on with your life, creeping your ex will never make you feel better.
5. Using alcohol as a temporary fix.
Although drinking is usually always a fun idea, getting into a drunken stupor for a temporary fix to your heartache usually doesn’t end too well. Losing control over your own body can lead to embarrassing and regrettable choices or actions. When dealing with post-breakup trauma, you should focus on taking care of your body, bettering yourself and taking charge of your life, not falling back to old habits out of comfort and loneliness.
6. Forcing a friendship.
Sometimes, remaining friends with an ex can come easy, but most of the time, it doesn’t. People often rush into being friends after a breakup to lessen the heartache of the situation but in the end it only makes things worse and complicates everything. Chances are, that all your emotions and feelings are too fresh and you need some time to process the split. Rushing into a friendship with your ex will completely sabotage any efforts or chances of moving on. Depending on how things ended, remember that not all relationships are even worth saving. If things ended in a toxic note, there is no point in holding on.
7. Seeking out revenge.
Getting revenge on your ex isn’t the right path to take either. Although sleeping with their best friend can seem like great vengeance, it will only lead to you feeling horrible about yourself afterwards. Concentrating all your negative energies on hate instead of personal healing will make you become a spiteful person. And besides, the best revenge is being happy and seeing karma play its own role.
8. Becoming a hermit.
During this time of heartbreak, it may seem easy to lock yourself up in your room and reject all your loved ones. But it is during these hard times when you learn how much friends really matter, so give them a chance. Lean on them and reconnect with them.
9. Dwelling on the past.
It is obvious that your ex played a big role in your life and there is no need to deny it. You can never simply “close” a person and forget about them forever. The only thing left for you to do is to simply acknowledge and appreciate the good and the bad and use it as a learning experience to move forward. We may feel that we NEED closure, but in reality, this closure can come by simply accepting what happened and taking the dreams you once shared and creating them for yourself. After all, life is way too short to dwell on what was lost, when there is so much out there to be gained.
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By: Veronica Granja
Veronica is a graduate from University of Guelph and Humber College, where she graduated with a Bachelor of Applied Arts in Media Studies and a diploma in Journalism. As an aspiring writer searching for her big break, she is always looking for new opportunities to share her knowledge and experience on her most favourite writing topics: love, dating, relationships and sex.
Things in life that put a smile on her face are: family, friends, animals, a good book, palm trees and the sun.
To see more of her work visit: https://veronicagranjasierra.