I find that a journal is a good free tool for self-development and personal growth but you may not have thought about using one to up your dating game.
Below are seven ways that it will really help:
1. Write About Any Red Flags & Deal Breakers ~ Often in dating we tend to go on our feelings. When hormones and attraction are involved, we don’t always make rational choices. This is why it’s best to use our heads too. We can record the things we won’t accept before meeting someone and then our journal can keep us honest so we’ll walk away!
2. Write About What You Need In A Relationship ~ It’s important to be clear about the main things you need in a partner. Use your journal to write out the top 5-7 qualities you’d love to have in a mate. I like when they’re soul-qualities like kindness or romance because your soulmate can come in many different packages and this allows you to remain open and to be surprised.
3. Write About Your Vision For Your Future & Your Goals ~ The right partner will embrace your vision and life and will complement it. This is why it’s important to do the things you want to do now, instead of waiting. You want a mate who’ll accept and support you and your main interests and goals. Use your journal to get in touch with what makes you happy, your goals, what you would most like in the future and to identify action steps to work towards that. I believe that ‘like attracts like,’ so don’t wait for your mate to complete you. Become the partner that you want to attract.
4. Write About Past Dating Patterns That Didn’t Work
History often repeats itself but we are the one constant. As a psychologist, I find that we have a certain unconscious, “type” of partner whom we choose again and again, often based upon our early childhood. Exploring what this pattern is can save you a lot of heartache. I have seen it be an ‘ah-ha!’ experience for people to realize why they’ve picked unavailable guys and to begin to take some responsibility for changing this pattern.
My first book, Dating from the Inside Out, has a whole section to help you to do this. You can use your journal to do the articles exercises.
5. Write About Your Interviewing Process The interview process means that you reveal what is most important to you in a potential partner. You can do this by directly asking them about some of your preferences. For example, you can say, ‘Do you want kids?’or, you can be more subtle and talk about yourself to see how they respond. For example, you might say, ‘I see myself having two kids in the next two years,’ and make note of their expression and whether they add to the conversation. It can be good to journal about those conversations as you are figuring out whether you want to be exclusive and can see a future together. If you’re dating multiple people, this will help you to see who is on a similar page.
6.Write What Makes You A Good Catch & What You Can Work On ~ It really helps to be confident while dating. A great exercise is to journal about your good qualities and why a prospective date would be lucky to have you. You can then reread it to remind yourself before you go out.
7. Write About You & Your Date’s Similarities & Differences ~ You can journal about what you have in common and how you’re different. Are the differences unimportant or places that you can compromise? Or are they major items you’d have a hard time living with?
Your journal can be a grounding place to come home to during the ups and downs and confusion of dating. It will help you stay true to yourself and your vision.
Leave your comments below and happy dating!
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