Your girlfriend just cheated on you.
The future of your job is uncertain.
Your parents are facing serious health concerns.
One of the biggest assets, and most appealing factors, of masculinity is learning to stay calm, cool and collected when the world seems to be crumbling around you.
Doing this involves a lot of emotional control.
To be clear, this does not mean hiding and suppressing your emotions when you feel them.
Not only is this unsustainable but is known to lead to serious health consequences.
The effective emotional control I am referring to is knowing how to express your emotions in the right way at the right time. In other words, becoming aware of the emotions that are present within yourself, and then consciously deciding how to use them in that very moment.
Sometimes this might involve expressing them outwardly as is, while other times it is more valuable to channel that energy in other ways. The key every time being that you make the choice.
Once you build this awareness and emotional control, you become the driver of every situation life throws at you. You are no longer pushed around by your circumstances and can be the support others need you to be.
Here are 3 tips to help you build this masculine stability and emanate the confidence that comes with it:
1) Observe your emotions as they appear
If you are not aware of the emotions influencing you, it is impossible to control them. Learning to take a step back and see how you are reacting in certain situations is the first and necessary action to emotional control. Once accomplished, you will have a much greater ability to own the moment.
2) Create a calming trigger
Our bodies can react faster than our thoughts, so try to find a mannerism you can use to trigger your calm when you find yourself becoming overwhelmed with emotions. For myself, I have programmed clenching my fists, and then releasing them a few seconds later, as a way to calm myself. While doing that, I’ve trained myself to think of all my emotions coming into my fists and then being released to the ground right after. This allows me to feel like I’ve let go of the emotions for the moment so I can rationally decide how I am going to handle the situation.
3) Silence is golden
If you find yourself reacting as soon as you feel your emotions, practice intentionally adding silence during your conversations. This will not only prevent your from saying or doing something you will regret after the emotions die down, but also give you a chance to really stop and think about what has just happened. The best part of silence is that it not only gives you the chance to rationally think, but also allows others to do the same. Arguments stem from emotional outbursts, while solutions stem from rational discussions.