Q: I attend singles events quite a bit and I feel like I’m trying and making an effort but I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I went to 3 events last week and none of the men asked for my number. I’m frustrated – what is going on?
A: I suspect you are coming up against a hurdle many singles face. You are going through the motions without any “emotion”. For example, let’s say you go to a single’s event and during your car ride there, you’ve already decided that you’re not going to meet any interesting men. So, you allow these thoughts to guide your night and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You become the woman who is really, really good at signing up for events and you may think that is all it takes. That charge of signing up, needs to be carried through the entire event – you need to be happy to be there. Years ago, when I was hosting some singles events, I would see women gather in a corner and talk about how there are no single men in their town. Meanwhile another group of women that were open-minded and choosing to focus on fun, were surrounded by men. Ask yourself if the friends you attend singles events with have a negative influence on you. Are they the type of friends who are quick to point out the negative? Surround yourself with women who want to go to events and are committed to having fun regardless of whether they meet their future boyfriend/husband there. When you are at the event, be there, actually be there – not ‘I’m checking my phone every 10 minutes but I’m physically at the event’. That doesn’t count and that is what I’m referring to when I say going through the motions without emotions. I’d rather see women go to a singles event for 1 hour and fully engage, than 4 hours and be half-present. It keeps things both efficient and fun.