Ok is it just me or has the dating world really become a cover up for major hooking up with no real objective or end in sight? Well of course there’s an objective, but not the seemingly obvious one or at least the one we are sold or convinced of when it comes to going out on dates.
When I recently decided to test this on my own, my field research paid off after dinner, a round of cocktails and the second venue change. By me mentioning to the server ‘what a great friend my date was’ – a clear sign this was only to be an evening of stimulating, ahem, conversation, my date, feeling a little more open and clearly more aware of the mood change to friend zone, decided to seize the opportunity to get some answers on women.
His questions included why some women are so eager to go out for dinner, in fact insist they go any time Thursday through Saturday and are beyond available, schedule cleared and ready with a short list of restaurants and bars to consider. After a seemingly great date of giggles, dancing, caprese salad and plans to meet the best friend in the story just told over nightcaps, the same sweet face is back on line and available for the next suitor come Monday morning!?
So of course curious, I had I go and get the other side of this and figure it out, as by his account it sounded pretty successful from this vantage point. What I was a little surprised to learn in speaking to women out dating was the value placed on the physical success of a date. By this I mean as women we are starting to place true self-worth, likability and use sex as a measurement for how much the opposite sex are into us. He wanted to sleep with me; therefore he must really like me. Otherwise, no go and back we go to the dating pool…!?
So yes, sure, while I get that we all like a good roll in the…when did this become the measuring stick for how much we are liked or how datable we actually are. Do we think we need to provide ROI to be considered for future dates or to be a player in the game? What actually happens following the dates where you do provide the ROI for the first date….does it really ensure a second or a follow up call for that matter or do you just get lowered to the status of hookup and sexting friend for those lonely, hot summer nights.
This is where it can really get confusing – where we have curated a mismatched collection of hook up contacts and dates that have gone full circle to an undefined place of casual, random, non-exclusive, grey area of confusion. To put it bluntly…the complete opposite direction of why we went out on a date in the first place! Haven’t we all heard the old adage about milk doing a body good….not necessarily doing us any good with our status as the nice girl a man Skype’s home to mom about? Shouldn’t we just save some time and money wasted on dinners out and get straight to the point? The men wanting to court us have a case of the confused, so make a choice to communicate before you fornicate.