Are you the type of person that has a hard time communicating when things are bothering you? Do you let things bottle up until you can no longer hold them in? Perhaps you’re all too familiar with those moments when you catch your partner completely off guard, verbally vomiting everything that’s been bothering you the last few months.
Your poor partner just stands there speechless – looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. They walk away feeling completely confused because in their eyes, the relationship was going great. And why should they feel any different? I mean, you never gave them any indication that things were upsetting you. In fact, perhaps you did the exact opposite. Prancing around with a smile on your face telling them how happy you are.
Is this the best way to build a solid bond with somebody you care about? You know the answer. Poor communication or a lack of communication is not only harmful to your relationship – it’s harmful to your health.
It isn’t doing any good for your emotional well-being, not to mention your hormones. When you bottle things up and don’t communicate your feelings, you are hurting yourself more than anything. The stress hormone cortisol gets released which increases your risk of developing chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), depression, anxiety, and heart disease. Did I mention abdominal obesity and difficulty losing weight?
There are three steps that you can take to overcome poor communication in relationships.
1. Identify what you’re afraid of – most people fear communicating their feelings because they don’t want to disturb the peace in their relationship, they fear the other person’s reaction, or they falsely believe that the problem will resolve on its own. Time and time again, they learn the hard way, that this isn’t the case. Problems don’t resolve on their own. Communication is key.
2. Recognize the feeling of relief, bonding, and satisfaction that comes when you bite the bullet and let your emotions out. Most people will agree that once they get things off their chest, it feels as though a heavy weight has been lifted off their shoulders. Stop saying “I’m okay, everything is fine” when they’re not. Getting to the root of the problem as quickly as possible is the only way to resolve what’s bothering you. Think about how great you’ll feel once you talk about your concerns.
3. Don’t blame, just share. Many couples avoid communication because they don’t like fighting, arguing, or being around egative, toxic energy. However, what they fail to realize is that communication does not cause unpleasant situations – poor communication does! Rather than blaming your partner, try a different approach. Avoid starting your sentences with “you said, you did, I can’t believe you would….” If you want a different outcome, you’ve got to change the language that you use when communicating with your partner. Say “I feel” or “I’m concerned about.” Rather than pointing fingers, simply share how you’ve been feeling. Your partner will be much more receptive to this.
Holding things inside disturbs your inner peace and creates distance in relationships. Remember that not communicating your feelings will affect your overall health and well-being. With increased cortisol circulating in your system, you’ll weaken your immune system, store belly fat, and increase your risk of developing various health problems. Explain what you’re feeling and be a good listener. You have no right to be upset with your partner if they have no idea what they’ve done to upset you. It isn’t fair to them and it isn’t going to help your relationship grow.
Cheers to healthy communication and expressing your feelings!