Part 2 – Demystifying Our Selfishness For Improved Relationships
After contemplating the empathetic and synergistic notion of right-brain thinking in Part 1, has it unleashed the “we” feeling into your bloodstream? Do you feel any closer to the ability to connect and understand the needs of a couple are different than the needs of you, an individual? If your mind has wondered upon the ideal that compromise can be win-win, you may have begun to notice the patterns of our North American individualistic culture; increased divorce rates and materialistic agreements have become notorious world wide, a lack of true love epidemic.
Now that we’ve considered the fact that we really are selfish, and that yes, it is hardly conducive to romantic affairs that run smoothly and prove rewarding, why not look at how possible it really is to bridge that gap, instead of how poorly we do it. You know I’ve always been a glass half full vs. a glass half empty kind of gal, and this attitude has allowed me to see the good in people, even in myself, when I’ve been unsuccessful or let others down.
Though I asked you to look deep and admit some of your weak points like selfishness, I’m here to reinforce your strong points too!
Let’s ensure we don’t slide back into those habits that have been ingrained in us since young, by taking a hard look at some of the rampant falsities that push us to be sub-par relationship builders and weak romancers at that! There’s this idea out there that because you claim a person to be your significant other it’s going to continue to exist because you said so, because you put a ring on it. And that after the honeymoon phase you can just coast into “happydom”. Rather “heartlessdom” is where you end up. There are some natural laws that need to be clarified for the sake of love birds everywhere. Relationships are not God’s creation, they are not immortal, they are not set in stone, they are created by you and the other person, no matter how divine they may feel, your intention goes into it and puts it there.
Without the actions to solidify the feeling, the creation stops being what you intended. Yes, it takes effort, it takes action, it takes attention to the needs and desires of your team.
You see, I think you would agree that we all have the ability to make things go right when we really want to. That ability wanes after many romantic losses, but being able to regain it is a matter of understanding this natural law. It’s not a familial relationship that you’re stuck with no matter what, the kinship is not naturally that strong. However, it is something that can grow to be indestructible if you continue to create it every day that you’re together. When I say create, I mean do the things that show you’re in love, you’re committed, be the way you would expect someone to be if they really valued you as a partner. Whether it’s committing to a date night or surprising him or her with an unexpected visit, the things that make people feel special and most important in your world create bonds as thick as blood.
Have you ever tried to date someone who was very different in a particular way, like you wanted kids and he didn’t, or she was outgoing and you weren’t, or he thought you should be the sole caretaker and you expected his help? I mean these are really important values we all base our lives upon and so much so that they make us who we are, and allow us to claim an identity because we stand for something particular. If we let go of these values we would feel bad about ourselves. That’s when you know you’re doing yourself a disservice and not maintaining your own integrity. Every once in a while you have to check yourself, and ensure you’re truly not settling for someone who has distinctly different values than you, because it really could never work out for the best. How do you do this? Create a list of “must haves” and stick to it. Now this is not a license to be inflexible, but it is a right to know what you need and want and go after it because you deserve happiness!
Have you ever gotten into an argument and you say something like “you started it!” How childish, right? Well, your willingness to take responsibility for the other person will not only increase your power in the relationship, but it will develop a bond and expectation between the two of you that is a lead by example and demand the best of the other guy, especially when he’s losing it. Your willingness to be uncomfortable, to take the high road, to own the problem whether you started it or not, will entice the other to cooperate more and do the same in return, when you need a check. Don’t ever dismiss the power of accountability, because if you hold each other to your expectations and your team principles, you’ll be happier and stronger than you ever imagined.
Remember this me society we live in is riddled with false information to dupe us, and send us down blame highway, but instead catch yourself!
Be intuitive and creative by checking in with your right-brain faculties. Natural laws are here to guide us if you pay attention to them.
- Relationships don’t run by themselves so create, create, create!
- Not only do you need to be on the same page, but you need to determine when to adjust your expectations or stick to your guns.
- Your willingness to confront your challenges and be accountable for the other person and how you’ve affected them will increase your powerfulness.
Understanding these truths will not only nurture your ability to love someone in a me, me, me society but will give you the freedom to stop beating yourself up about it!
So what are you going to do differently next time?