By: Régine Coicou
Feeling rejected? You’re not alone. Most of us experience this feeling at some point in life. It can strike at any time, whether we are single or in a relationship. Being single, the most common feeling of rejection comes from one of these situations:
- We met someone whom we find interesting and would love to get to know better, but he/she does not reciprocate.
- We were at an early stage of what we considered a “good” relationship and suddenly the other party either disappears or informs you that it would be best to end the relationship.
These situations may have severe impacts when they become repetitive scenarios over a short period. In a relationship that is going fairly well it is not uncommon for one of the partners to also experience feelings of rejection.
Feelings of rejection can create a sense of insecurity and even anxiety.
This usually happens when the other partner is less present or shows less attention than usual, maybe because of:
- Preoccupation with work or a personal project.
- He/she is going through a phase of self inquiry, growth, development or something else that has nothing to do with the other person.
The partner who feels rejected makes it all about themselves and has a hard time dealing with the situation. In all cases, if one is not careful, and the situation lasts for too long, feeling rejected can lead to depression. Considering also that for some, the root comes from as far as their childhood. There are however ways to cope and heal from this sickening feeling (if it has not yet become a severe condition). The following are steps that I encourage my clients to follow and that I myself practice whenever I get into that “zone” of insecurity:
1. Acknowledge the feeling for what it is
“Feel” it and accept it. Do not try to dismiss it, pretend it does not exist or blame yourself thinking that you are being irrational. Cry if you want to and as much as you need to.
2. Clearly identify the reason why you feel the way you do
After accepting your feelings, write down what you perceive are the reasons why this is happening. I feel rejected because….. put on paper every thought that comes to mind. Don’t judge your thoughts or impressions. Remember to say I feel and never he/she makes style me feel.
3. Come up with some “feel better” strategies
You know how you feel and why, now think of what you can do to feel better and to help you step out of the “victim state”.
a) Maybe you can spend more time with people you know appreciate you
b) Go to a Spa, take care of yourself and be pampered
c) Watch a comedy alone or with a friend
d) Read a self-development book (my favorite)
e) Plan your future positively (my second favorite) – what do you want to do, how would you like this situation to be in a few weeks/months from today? How do you want your ideal relationship to be like and how can you prepare for it.
f) If you are in a relationship with someone you know loves and appreciates you already, be understanding. Try to take some distance from your ego, which makes it about you, find an interesting side project while he/she is busy. Be independent, you may also state your feelings but don’t nag. He/she will appreciate it and may return his/her attention to you sooner than you think.
But, no matter what you do, please always remember that:
- It is absolutely normal to feel the way you do; most of us go through the same at some point, and more importantly;
- Just like everything else in life, that also shall pass.
Régine Coicou is a Dating and Relationship Coach, Member of the Relationship Coaching Institute. Her mission is to empower women in terms of seduction, dating, love and relationships. She believes that with the right attitude, everyone can be happy in love. Her success comes from her gift to easily and intuitively understand people and also from years of learning through personal life experiences, training, reading, and coaching people on dating and relationships. www.abcseduction.ca.