When you find out how strong, and how brave, and how loving, and how big-hearted you are and what you are capable of, your vision for love and your desire for love will only get bigger, deeper, and more audacious.
Once the blood starts pumping through the heart’s chambers, it’s on.
Author and coach Angela Lauria describes what happened the first time she hired a personal trainer: “I thought the workouts would kill me,” she admits. “The first week of racing around the aerobics room head down, pushing a square of carpet, or jumping onto boxes 24 inches off the ground, or, God help me, doing those f*ing endless squats that I could never get the position right on.”
You can almost feel the molecules of despair and frustration in her sweat, can’t you?
“I couldn’t wait for week two or week 22 when things would get EASIER,” she says. “Finally, somewhere around week 12, I couldn’t resist. I breezily asked my trainer, mid-lunge, ‘So, Bryan, when is this going to get easier?’
He looked at her, puzzled. He was genuinely stumped. It was if she’d spoken to him in a foreign language.
“Easier? Why would it get easier?” he replied.
“You know, when I’m thinner and stronger and good at all this stuff.”
He laughed. “Oh, as you get thinner and stronger, we just make the work-outs more intense.”
And then you can almost hear her drop her kettle bell, can’t you?
Guess what. It’s EXACTLY like that in building the muscle of relationships. You think, well when I find the one, when I fall in love and we ride off into the sunset, I can relax, it’ll be easier, I can be authentic THEN, or pursue my other dreams THEN because I’ll have my guy for support or my gal for security and I won’t have to worry about attracting someone or pleasing someone anymore.
Bullshit. It doesn’t work that way. Not with your trainer at the gym, not with your dating coach.
The muscles get stronger. So you push them more to build them more.
The social skills grow stronger. So we push them more to build them more.
Your courage grows bigger. So we push you more to risk more.
Your heart gets hurt – trampled on, perhaps – from time to time. But we brush it off and fluff it up, wind it up, and send it back out there.
When a client says to me, “I wouldn’t have met this amazing guy/girl without you,” I smile. “That’s true,” I say, “but you did the work.”
I simply showed up and made a space for their growth.
If you’re ready to open your heart to love, subscribe to Suzanna’s free e-newsletter, “Dates on the Plains”.