Your independence and confidence are probably the two things that drew your boyfriend to you and made him think, “I have to have her.” But have you ever thought that your independence and self-reliance could be the very thing that could potentially destroy your relationship?
Don’t get me wrong, every woman should strive towards independence, falling in love with herself, and learning to be alone (and loving it). This is something that all women strive for, complete and total independence and confidence. However, this prized quality can backfire on us once we find ourselves in a relationship.
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After being on our own for a period of time and growing up in a world that is not always so kind, it’s only natural that we begin to become self-reliant, and start to have a harder time allowing ourselves to trust those around us. But what happens now that you find yourself in a loving relationship and that same self-reliance is pushing him away and keeping you both from sharing the intimacy that you both desire?
Men, just like women in relationships, need to feel needed. Couples should be able to lean on each other, the nice part about relationships after all is that you no longer have to go it alone.
So when you insist that you can do it on your own, whether it be always paying the bill or denying emotional support that he’s trying to give to you amid a hard time, it is saying that you don’t need your partner. If you are still only dependent on yourself for all of your needs, you’re not allowing them to be a part of the relationship or even get close to you.
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Whether your self-reliance was developed from multiple run-ins with disappointment and heartache, or you’re naturally just that way, it usually comes from you thinking that people aren’t going to come through for you. Instead of waiting around for someone to be there for you, you get into the routine of “doing what you gotta do,” and handling it yourself.
This however, doesn’t even give your partner a chance to be there for you. By letting them be there for you every once and awhile, you’ll finally experience and achieve that intimacy that has been unattainable up to this point in your relationship.
This does not mean that you can no longer be that strong, confident, fiery, independent woman that he has fallen in love with. It does mean that you should allow for them to do their job of taking care of you. No, not necessarily financially, but emotionally. Relationships are give and take, so allow for him to give a little.