Much of the dating advice out there seems to be geared towards women. However, in my experience, men are just as flummoxed by the process. Single man after single man has come to me to help resolve issues around anxiety, depression, workplace stress or sexual problems and the discussion always seems to land on dating troubles and the difficulty in finding a woman of substance. So, I thought I’d give all the men out there looking for a quality woman, a little love.
I’ve been told that in the pursuit of the elusive total package, these men have really gotten down in there and searched over and over again, but still can’t find it. That’s What She Said! You see, men and women are not all that different when it comes to love. We all want the same thing. But somehow, there is a failure to communicate those desires.
I am lucky to be surrounded by beautiful, talented, accomplished and desirable women in their 30s and 40s who have seen it all and are in successful, committed relationships. After chatting a bit with them, it became clear to me that I shouldn’t keep their insights to myself. So listen up fellas to what she said.
Christine, 40, MD
It is easy to fake it but you do not get what you want in the end. That’s What She Said! Well, not exactly. Christine actually said, “Be authentic. Don’t bullshit me. I don’t want to hear things that aren’t true. I want to know who you are. If you like ballroom dancing or Star Wars or football – own it.”
You can try to be someone else to impress the person you are with but eventually, you will slip up and the true you will emerge. The most attractive you is YOU. All of you! Be you.
Leilani, 39, Teacher
It will never work if they do not “return the favor”. That’s What She Said! Ok, ok, what she really said was, “You want to find someone who will listen, and be willing to do the same…That is how you care for one another and ultimately the relationship. If not you, then someone else will.”
This starts on the first date. Tune in to whether or not she is doing all of the talking or if she is truly interested in learning about you and make sure you return the favor guys!
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Blanca, 41, Executive Legal Assistant
Experiment and try something new to reach new heights of intimacy. That’s What She Said!…sort of. To quote Blanca, “Try things together that neither of you have done before (hikes/camping, a new sport, etc). It will force you to figure things out as a team. Then reward yourselves with a less demanding outing like a concert or nice dinner. It is the perfect setting to talk about the event and laugh about it too.”
The same old boring date will probably result in the same old boring relationship or lack of relationship. Shake it up with something fun and adventurous and get to know your potential partner on a different level early on.
Miriam, 36, Entrepreneur
69 sounds fun at first but then it gets messy and awkward and loses it’s appeal. That’s What She Said! Alright, that one was a stretch. In truth, Miriam said, “Look for someone who shares your values & interests. Contrary to popular belief, opposites attract only temporarily.”
Initial attraction may be based on looks but compatibility is based on values, goals, interests and your needs. Make sure you are keeping this in mind as you search for the one.
Stop wasting your time and effort trying to make something work with the wrong women. If you keep the advice from these incredible ladies in mind, you will be in a much better position to zero in on the perfect match. It’s hard but worth it! Ahem…THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!